the last time you left me
a fragile white knife
made of the strangest bones
you said that lizards bigger than houses
had been pressed into it

I don't know whether to believe you

I saved it in a chest
that was supposed to be my trousseau
but the wedding is called off
this is my trousseau
for my faraway fiancé

there I stashed the luscious pictures
you showed me at my bedside
shiny like mirrors
but they reflect things
yet to be invented

and why wouldn't I believe you?

before Lent you brought me summer apples
and another fruit so cloying
it felt like my heart would burst
sweet like honey, it calmed my cough

I saved the apple core, I sowed the seeds
even though you told me
the tree wouldn't bear fruit in winter
only you are free in time
you soar through it like a bird
the tree and I are prisoners of winter

and I won't be here to see appleflowers

mom called you a feverdream, maybe you are
but how would a feverdream bring me all this?
how would a dream bring me a watch
with numbers like fireflies in the dark?
a box that sings into my ear
more beautifully than any seashell?
what kind of a dream is that?

I also have a lock of your hair
as wondrous as your strangest souvenirs

when shall you come back?
you don't need doors or windows
and when you leave
I never know if you'll return

if you do, you might find an empty bed

you said then you can move time
you can come back earlier
and meet me there again

if you can cheat the calendar
forge years like money
can't you just write me more of them?

you told me about a world
where things travel on threads
even the human mind
shiny pictures ride threads
in tiny horsecarts

I am light as a sparrowfeather
I'd fit through the needle eye
thread me and take me with you

you say one cannot escape death
yet you keep running away from it

I don't know if the thread world exists
but I fear it is too far from heaven