I don't know why I thought you
Wouldn't fear me
Even though we're now hunter to hunter
You with your insatiable patience
How many mice die a year?
But you've always ducked when a hawk
Flew overhead, recognizing the greater
Predator even from indoors
So I guess it makes sense you're wary
But you're mine, raised from a kitten
How can I scare you, even turned as I am?

I make sure to feed before I come home to you
Make sure I'm mellow from warm, fresh blood
Never let the others into our house
And still you hide, under the bed
Like you would from a stranger
I could flip the bed with one hand
Catch you if you run
But I leave you there, hoping time
And putting on some dirty clothes
That smell like how I was
Will bring you back to me

I leave food by the bed
At first you didn't eat
But now you do
Progress even if you won't come out
Until I go back downstairs
Ears as keen as yours hear you
Lick the bowl clean
Gulp down water and
Use the litter box I've moved into that room
And then retreat
Silently, your sweet voice swallowed by fear

*     *     *
I adjust to this unlife
Realizing the mistake I've made
In letting myself be turned and
Sorrow overwhelms me as I
Miss the sun and solid food
So I stop hunting with the others
Stop enjoying dealing death to innocents
And begin feeding on those
Who the world is better without

Every night when I come home
I wait at the door in the garage
You always were there, crying frantically
In the kitchen, on the other side
Whether I was away an hour or all day
"You're home, you're home, you're home"
But now all I hear is your yowl
Once I climb the two steps and
Come inside before dawn can catch me
Your sound is one of loneliness
Coming from under the bed

I'm not the me you loved
But I'm also not the monster I became
I sit on the staircase and call your name
You yowl back, louder
Then softer, alternating between
Anger and grief
Or maybe I'm just projecting?
I make a sound, half sob, half wail
My version of your cry
And it fills the stairwell
A waterfall of regret
Then I leave you in peace

*     *     *
Nights turn to more nights
And an easy mark turns out to
Be not so, he was armed and even
Though I'm stronger, he knew how
To fight, how to evade, his knife
Plunged in and in and luckily
It wasn't made of wood
He finally went down
I barely had the strength to feed
And now the dawn is threatening
As I drive into the garage
And sink down on the steps leading
Inside and watch the sky lighten through the
Decorative glass on the garage door
I could sit here and let the daylight have me
It sounds good

Behind me, near my ear, I hear you
Scratching in the way you would
When I accidentally closed
The bathroom door against you
Frantic and mad
And then...your cry
The one that meant: "You're home"
Only this time there's fear in it
But not of me
This time you sound afraid for me
You don't want me to die?

Your cry turns to a screech I've never heard
And I know in my unbeating heart
It means: "Get in here!"
I unlock the door and crawl inside
And we stare at each other, neither
Of us moving, then you stretch your neck
Your eyes never leaving mine
I reach back, your nose brushes my finger
And then you hiss, long and loud
And it makes me laugh because it's
Not a hiss of fear anymore
It's disdain, and annoyance
And maybe also forgiveness and hopefully
Someday, no doubt when I least
Expect it but most need it: love